It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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