I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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