His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
