She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
