we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
