laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
