There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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