I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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