we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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