I cockslap morals
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
