You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
