im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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