i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
