So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
