you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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