I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
