i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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