Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
