Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
