everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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