Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
