Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
