I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
