I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
