I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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