I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
