it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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