Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
