So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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