oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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