The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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