When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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