Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
