A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I look better un-naked...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
