just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
