last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
