just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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