You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
