Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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