I must be too annoying 4 u.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
