Me. At least after what I've been through.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
