I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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