I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
