Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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