This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm too high and old for this...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
