i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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