I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
