and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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