The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
