I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
