people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
