I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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