Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
