Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
