how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize