Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
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