If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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