roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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