Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
