I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
there was a trapeze. enough said
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
