Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
