I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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