Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
