you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
