I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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