areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
