omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
