It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
