It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
