He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
where are my eyebrows?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
