My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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